1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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