I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
