Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
