my shit smells like andre
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
