Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
