I'm so fucking centered right now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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