How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
