Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who died my cat blue again?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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