you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
