I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
