***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you had me at cake vodka
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
