honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
