Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
