Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize