i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
