The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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