Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
