she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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