Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
