We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
