Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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