I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
