listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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