If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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