She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
