The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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