i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
