oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
