u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
