You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
