You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
