if you like me you must not know who I am
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
