I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wear drunk well.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
