I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
