You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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