Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
