I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
