all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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