Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
