I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize