Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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