I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
