Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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