I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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