Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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