come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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