tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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