So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
