So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am puke
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
