I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
