"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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