the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
