so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize