Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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