Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
