even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
