Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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