it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
