I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
