fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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