nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
