come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
