I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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