I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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