In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize