i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
