It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
