There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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