You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
