Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
