shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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